It is my turn to blog and I have been wrestling about what to post. Should I keep it simple or should I give a beautifully written poem about all the things we have done thus far? Seeing all the blogs written from each team and after careful consideration, I have decided to give you something different. I want to share where I am in this point of the trip. I am going to give you the real deal; straight with no chaser.
The reality of all missions trips is there will come a point in the trip where insecurities happen, tiredness starts to creep up on you, and the talk of community makes you sick to your stomach. These past couple days is when reality started to hit me HARD. Yes, we have had the training for these types of situation, but you never know how strong they will come and how much you’ll need to push yourself to try to keep your composer. Let me explain each of these a little bit further.
I have struggled so hard with this idea of “not being as smart” as the other members of my team. I have put my self in a box and labeled it “dummy”. We have seen so many theological sites and have learned so much about God and yet the questions that are asked by my team and the answers they share with each other never crosses my mind. Before I came on this trip someone told me, “Marcus we all are on different paths of this spiritual journey and its okay if we don’t know all the answers to the question”. That is what i remind myself everyday. Its okay to not know something because we all learn and we are continuing to learn as we get older.
Because this trip is so educational, relational, and missional we are busy many hours of the day. We have met so many amazing people and have been able to be a blessing to so many as well. Personally I pour out too much before refilling to pour into the next person. As a result I have become spiritually and physically tired. My professor once told me that, “In order to fill others you must allow God to fill you”. I allowed myself to press on through because I know that this is what I was called to do and because I know that God will give me the strength and every to make it through.
Being in community 24/7 can be a bit overwhelming. Not allowing yourself to retreat, gather yourself, and come back is even more challenging. I am the type of person who loves to be around people, but at the same time I need time to process and be by myself. This trip has tested me hard in this area. My times of retreat are few to none because i want to stay engaged, I want to be present, and I want to be active in furthering the kingdom of God. And because of God calling me to this specific country I am giving my all to the people here and being sensitive to the needs of those around me.
So how can I pray for you Marcus? Well there are three things you can pray for. One being that God continues to use me for His purpose. Two being that God gives me the strength to finish the trip strong. Lastly, that God reveals Himself to me even the more through the people I come encounter with for the remainder of the trip.
Thank you for allowing me to be transparent. Thank you for your love. Thank you for your support, and mostly thank you for your prayers!